To the Threesome in Suite #9

Thank you for staying at the Inn. We apologize for requesting your departure at 2 AM. To avoid this circumstance in the future, here are some tips for handling a threesome in our establishment.

Tip #1 – The Jacuzzi tubs overlooking the ocean in our luxury suites are designed to accommodate two people. If you are planning to enjoy a romantic evening in the Jacuzzi tub, please let out some of the water before adding a third person to the party. Thank you.

Tip #2 – If the tub should overflow because you may have forgotten about Tip #1, please do not attempt to drain the tub by dismantling the plumbing. If you dismantle the plumbing, the water will drain into the floor/ceiling, which will result in awakening the guests in the room below. These guests will then need to be relocated mid-night and this can make their stay less enjoyable.

Tip #3 – If you are under the influence of myriad narcotics—or simply nervous—please direct your vomit towards the interior portion of the toilet bowl. Should you attempt to clean up the mess in and around the bathtub, the sink, the toilet, the walls, and the floor, please give the housekeeping staff a little heads up. The chambermaid who cleaned your room was unaware of what had happened until she was on her hands and knees—almost nose to vomit—and she nearly added to the situation.

Tip # 4 – When leaving a tip for the housekeeper who must clean your vomit from the walls, your ass prints from the windows, and who had nothing to do with your hasty departure, please use the envelope provided for exactly that purpose. Unfortunately, the dime, the nickel, the three pennies, and the half-smoked joint were sucked into the vacuum cleaner before they could be collected.

Thank you.

Violet

*

Oh, and unrelated to the threesome in Suite #9, this is for the group of middle-aged BMW biker-bankers eating at an attached establishment who requested the attention of a Harley-lovin’ housekeeper while she was hauling laundry across the compound in the rain:

Speaking to Housekeepers Very Important Tip:

If you are not a guest of the Inn, the housekeeping staff is not obligated to service you. As well, the staff is not authorized to give you the wi-fi password and the use of subterfuge (for example: “Ma’am? Ma’am! I forgot the password. What is it again?”) will not fly. The password is as easy as shit to remember and we would have written it down for you anyhow.

And the next time you call me ma’am, you’d better be on your knees.

About Violet Graves

Writer of Urban Fantasy and Paranormal Sex with a Vengeance www.violetgraves.com
This entry was posted in Life in the Cove, The Day Job and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to To the Threesome in Suite #9

  1. N.E. Montgomery says:

    Lol! Not to experience, naturally, but great post!

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