“Vampires” is a mockumentary that seamlessly integrates vampire fiction into our reality, carving a bloody swathe of humor and horror across Europe that eventually nicks Canada. With French dialogue and deadpan English subtitles, the nuances of comedy are not lost in translation.

Aside from the introduction of the term ill-bitten, the standard rules of vampirism are followed.

In the style of a documentary, there is no interference by the film crew, but there is the underlying unease that at some point the cameras will be wrenched away from the team and the movie will abruptly end.  The vampires make no bones about their superiority. Humans are nothing but “sophisticated animals” to them. A prostitute lives in a terrarium in the kitchen. Her name is “Meat”.

The father George Saint-Germain is amazing. His dead but sparkling eyes, his profile, his wide muppet mouth… I would have nightmares about him if not for his charm.  His participation in the sick game of “1… 2… 3… Moon” was hilarious.

The mother Bertha… oh, the heartsick mother: “You want to play with Bertha? Let’s go play. We’re gonna play with Bertha.”

The son Samson, exuberant and intense, is a wild bullet ricocheting off the stone walls. I would love to watch him meet up with The Situation in a dark alley along the Jersey Shore.

The teenage daughter Grace spends much of her time on-screen lamenting the loss of her humanity.  Her story-arc is sweet and redemptive. Much appreciated in a movie full of sadistic predators.

I saw this movie on Netflix Instant so it is readily available at the time of this post. I plan on buying the DVD because I need to have this movie around.

Some reviews have called it slow. It is. “Vampires” is not an action flick. Enjoy.

About Violet Graves

Writer of Urban Fantasy and Paranormal Sex with a Vengeance
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